


dude, you're so whipped

by YuzuGimlet



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, tbh a vent, what even is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-17 23:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11862090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YuzuGimlet/pseuds/YuzuGimlet
Summary: “Look, Tsukishima, if Yamaguchi isn’t blackmailing you, then we have a really pressing issue on our hands.”“That being?”“Yamaguchi’s got you whipped!” Hinata yelled, hands cupped to his mouth.





	dude, you're so whipped

**Author's Note:**

> Person: what's this?  
> Me: fuck if I know

dude, you’re so whipped

 

“What the fuck is this,” Tsukishima asked flatly.

He regretted coming to the impromptu team meeting as soon as he opened the gym’s doors. It was going to be one of those days. The team had gotten a long folding table. Everyone sat on one side of the table and a single chair was stationed at the other side.

“Language,” Suga reprimanded lightly. He gestured to the lone chair. “Take a seat, Tsukishima.”

“Where’s Yamaguchi?” he asked, sitting down.

The team whispered amongst themselves frantically. Daichi raised his hand to quiet them and spoke. 

“Tsukishima, we’re here to address something that’s been…” His eyes flickered to the other people sitting on his side. “Concerning us.”

“Yep, concerning.”

“Like fuck.”

“We’re really worried.”

Daichi raised his hand again to stop the team’s murmurs.“Now, we’re not sure about the circumstances so we’re going to keep this as simple as possible. If Yamaguchi is currently blackmailing you in some way, blink once.”

Tsukishima almost laughed. Almost. “What?”

“Is Yamaguchi demanding something from you in return for not revealing compromising or injurious information?” Daichi said, wording his sentence very carefully. “If so, blink once.”

“No, he’s not,” Tsukishima said. “Now can someone tell me what’s going on?”

“Pay up, bitches,” Nishinoya yelled. Everyone grumbled as they handed Nishinoya a bill. He brought the wad to his nose and inhaled with a moan.

“Tuck the boner away, Noya, it’s nine dollars,” Ennoshita said judgmentally.

“Um, excuse you, nine dollars means nine fucking popsicles for me.”

“Language!” Suga barked. He turned his angel face back to Tsukishima. “Look, Tsukishima, if Yamaguchi isn’t blackmailing you, then we have a really pressing issue on our hands.”

“That being?”

“Yamaguchi’s got you whipped!” Hinata yelled, hands cupped to his mouth.

Tsukishima paused for a minute to see if waiting might make things easier to comprehend. Nope. “I fail to see who you mean.”

“When you and Yamaguchi told us you were a couple last week, we were all very supportive,” Asahi said gingerly. “But… Well, after some time, we started noticing a few—a few changes and it’s been…”

Tanaka finished the sentence for him. “It’s been creeping us _the fuck out_.”

“I’ve failed as a mother,” Suga muttered bitterly. “Everyone’s cursing like it’s the last day on this planet—”

“And you’re the worst kind of whipped,” Nishinoya said, still smelling his earnings. “You’re a goddamn whipped tsundere.”

More murmuring amongst the team, this time a general agreement with Nishinoya’s statement. 

“I am _not_ whipped, and I haven’t changed at all,” Tsukishima snapped. “This is a waste of my time.”

“Kageyama, the files?” Daichi called.

Kageyama handed the captain a manilla folder almost overflowing with paper. Daichi slipped on a pair of reading glasses Tsukishima was positive were fake, and started reading a printed list out-loud.

“‘Yells at Yamaguchi for being late, but holds open door for him while waiting,’” he began. “‘Saves the longest, best fries for him when they get McDonalds.’ ‘Made Yamaguchi a playlist to listen to when he asked for song recommendations.’ ‘Gets a dreamy look whenever Yamaguchi starts talking.’”

“Okay, that last one is _not_ true,” Tsukishima blustered.

More murmuring.

Kageyama held up a camera. “We took video evidence.” He pressed play. The screen zoomed in on the two of them sitting pressed against a gym wall, probably in the middle of a break during practice. Yamaguchi was speaking with a vibrant smile and Tsukishima was staring at him with a small smile on his lips.

“Looking dreamy is subjective,” Tsukishima argued, feeling the tips of his ears go pink.

“Looks dreamy to me.”

“Like fuck.”

“Really, really dreamy.”

“You usually look like someone took a crap on your shoe, that might as well be your orgasm face.”

Daichi slipped his (fake) glasses off, a grave look on his face. “With all of these symptoms—”

“Those aren’t fucking symptoms!”

“—I’m afraid there’s no other answer. You’re a whipped tsundere.”

Tsukishima stood up. “You know what? This is stupid. Beyond stupid. I’m leaving.”

The gym doors opened with a small screech of the hinges and a freckly boy poked his head inside.

“Oh, everyone’s here! Did I miss a meeting?” Yamaguchi asked brightly. “I didn’t get an email.”

Kageyama chucked the camera against a wall. It shattered to pieces. Tanaka grabbed the list from Daichi’s hand and crammed it into his mouth. Hinata grabbed the manilla folder and sprinted to the bathroom, an orange streak of lightning.

“No, no meeting here, Yamaguchi!” Suga said, smiling with absolute innocence. “And I’m not just saying that because you may or may not be a blackmailer since that option isn’t totally off of the table yet. What do you need?”

“Oh, I was looking for Tsukki,” he said, blushing. “I need to borrow a pencil, I left my case at home and I have a make-up test after school.”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “You’re such a dumbass.” He rummaged into his own bag and took out three pencils, a pencil sharpener, and an eraser.

“Here,” he said emotionlessly, shoving them into Yamaguchi’s hands. “And make sure you get a good grade. If you don’t, then you won’t be able to come over more often.”  
“Thanks, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi said, and raised himself on his tiptoes to kiss his boyfriend lightly on the cheek. Tsukishima flushed, turning away. “Alright, wish me luck!”

The team watched Yamaguchi just about skip out of the gym. From behind him, Kageyama said, “Dude, you’re so whipped.”

Tsukishima buried his face in his hands. “You know what? Maybe I fucking am.”

 

Bonus:

 

“Good for you, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said softly, pressing a knife against the taller’s throat. “They almost found me out. Almost. But I’m glad you managed to keep a poker face.”

“Just don’t share that picture of me,” Tsukishima said through gritted teeth.

Yamaguchi ran his finger across the edge of a photo. A photo of Tsukishima in the second grade crying his eyes out as he woke up in a bed he’d wet. “I won’t ever have to share this with anyone as long as you give me _all the best fries_ tomorrow on our McDonald’s date.”

“You’re a monster,” Tsukishima whispered.

“I know.”

Yamaguchi tossed his head back and laughed.

**Author's Note:**

> I should be working on my upcoming Haikyuu fanfiction Kings and Kismet but I decided to take a break from editing the prologue chapters to write this mess


End file.
